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Editor's Note: Short video overview (above) of the article. Audio below is of the whole article.

In This Article:

• How does saying "I don’t like" create mental barriers?
• Why do past experiences shape our current mindset?
• What happens when we embrace new experiences?
• How can we shift rigid thinking and open new possibilities?
• What role does perception play in shaping our reality?

Are You Set in Stone?

by Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com

I realized the other day that when I say something to the effect of “I don’t like” something, I am basically setting a rule for myself and limiting myself and my options. Whatever it is we decide or say we don’t like is now a closed door to that possibility. Not only will we stop ourself from experiencing that thing, but others will limit themselves from offering it to us since they are aware that you “don’t like it”.

It’s one thing to state that the last time you ate something or did something you didn’t like it, it’s quite another to state you don’t like it, as if that statement and that state of opinion is set in stone – past, present and future.

This first came to me, as things often do, when I saw it in someone else – in my reflection so to speak. The other day, as I’d been working on the computer for quite a while non-stop, it came to me that I needed to go outside and go for a walk. I was also inspired to call my neighbor and invite her to come for a walk with me.

Blowing with the Wind

It was particularly windy that day, and her response to my invitation was that she didn’t like to go walking when it was windy. And it struck me, at that time, that she was limiting her options of going for a walk by “not liking” to walk when it was windy (or hot, or cold, or damp, or whatever other limitation we might place on it). Now I’m not judging her choice… everyone has their preferences, but it made an impression on me that because “she didn’t like walking in the wind” she had closed the door on going for a walk with me anytime it was windy – which is pretty often where I live.

Since I had no such “restriction” on whether I could walk because it was windy, I set out for my walk. Yes it was windy, and I found it particularly “recharging”. The air was fresh and felt invigorating, and felt like a caress from the Universe on my skin. As I returned home and passed her front door, I thought to myself that it was a shame she had missed out on such a wonderful experience because she “didn’t like walking in the wind”.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

And then it hit me… I realized that I also was “guilty” of this behavior in other situations. How did I also limit myself from all kinds of experiences because of my stated dislikes. I “don’t like” crowds, thus avoid a lot of crowded places missing out on probably some wonderful events because of that. I “don’t like” sitting down for extended periods of time (my back gets sore) and I recall two invitations I turned down last week because they involved an extended car ride – one of 2 hours and the other of 2 ½ hours, each way.

So as I reflected on how I limited myself by what I stated I didn’t like, I saw how I was shutting the door on experiences because I outrightly stated I didn’t like something. I realized it was the same thing that happens when we limit the Universe by saying “I can’t” or that something “isn’t possible”. We are telling the Universe “no”.

In the same way, when we say we don’t like something… whether that thing is a particular food, person, location, or state of being, we are closing the door to new experiences and new opportunities. Rather than saying we don’t like something, we could instead say that “In the past, I haven’t liked this, but I’m willing to be open-minded and try again”. Or perhaps we can look at a different way of experiencing it.

For example, the “not-liking” a 2 ½ hour car ride… I could, instead of categorically saying “no”, stop and consider how I could make that experience different. I could break up the trip in shorter segments by doing something every hour or so, even if it’s just stopping, getting out of the car, stretching and perhaps taking a short walk. Or I could include another fun experience at the midway mark that would allow me to get out of the car and not be sitting for 2 ½ hours straight.

Closing the Door

The old expression goes: “When there’s a will, there’s a way”. But when our will is turned to the off position, then the way cannot be shown or discovered. When our mind is in the shut-down position, we are not open to discovering new possibilities or new ways of doing or being.

I recall a friend of a long time ago who was never willing to try any new foods. If she hadn’t eaten it before, she wouldn’t try it. I think that’s such a shame as she may be missing out on a wonderful food that she would love but is not willing to try. I realized that if, the first time someone offered me a mango when I was in Mexico, I had refused it because I’d never eaten it before, I would have missed out on years of pleasure in eating what I now consider to be the best tasting fruit.

Or consider if you had never allowed yourself to taste chocolate or coffee (depending on your current preference), how many years of pleasure you would have deprived yourself of. So in the same way, anytime we negate the possibility of experiencing something because we “don’t like it”, we are removing the possibility of having an enjoyable experience. Just because you didn’t enjoy something one time, doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy it next time. Perhaps you were just having a bad day and that colored your perception of what was taking place.

And then maybe there can be a variation on the original experience. Maybe something would make it better. When I say I don’t like crowded events, I could pick the time I go to that event to be one where there is less people, or if it’s a fixed time, like a concert, I can change my attitude and decide to be open to the people I might meet or the things I might see and hear that would bring me new experiences and points of view, as well as some joy and pleasure.

Setting Yourself in Stone?

When I say “I don’t like” I am limiting myself, I am making myself into a rigid person who is not willing to grow and experience new things. Maybe that is what growing old is. Think about it. When children are still children (before they’ve been molded by their parents’ fears and restrictions) they are willing to try anything. Now, true, some of the things they try might end up as what adults would consider “badly”. However, all experiences are just that. A new experience, a chance to see something differently, an opportunity to learn something new.

When we categorically start the experience by saying “I don’t like” we are closing the door to new experiences, or at least a new take on an old experience. Just because you didn’t like walking in the wind (or the rain or the cool morning air, the heat of the day, or city streets, or cement sidewalks, etc.) at one time in your life, doesn’t mean that it always has to be that way. Perhaps that particular day you were tired or didn’t feel well, and that’s what affected your perception.

This reminds me of a story that someone once shared, and I think many of us may have something like this in common. As children, we recall eating a particular food and getting sick afterwards. So we “forever” associate that food with getting sick. However, it could be that something else was responsible for your being sick that day. Perhaps you had caught a flu, or there was a noxious chemical in the air that led you to being sick. Or it could be that you ate that food and almost immediately went on a Ferris wheel or other carnival ride and got sick, and associated the being sick, not with the ride (which was fun), but with the food which was new and an unknown. So from that time onward, you associated that particular food with being sick and never again ate it.

The Rock of the Aged

Our perception of something that happened colors the rest of our life limiting or restricting what we are willing to be open to because of a previous decision or opinion that we formed. And as I questioned earlier… is this why we get old?

When I think about this, I realize that one of the physical traits of “old people” is rigidity in body… they get stiff, can’t bend over, can’t do many things they used to do. And not only does their body get stiff, but their mind and their attitudes get stiff. They have set opinions on things and are not willing to consider an alternative. Now of course, I realize this is a gross generalization, and keep in mind that when I refer to old people, I’m not talking of age but more of an attitude or mentality of some people that are older.

I know many “older” people who are very flexible in their mind, body, and attitudes. And I know others who are not. And I would be willing to bet that the rigid ones have a whole list of things they don’t like, while the flexible ones do not have such a list. They might instead have a longer list of things they like,

On the Lookout

So I’m going to be on the watch for my own “don’t likes” and times when I am being closed-minded (where my mind is closed to new experiences or opportunities).

The inscription on the temple of Apollo in Delphi comes to mind: “Know Thyself”. When we become aware of our shadow side (our dislikes, our limitations, our fears) we can then seek to attain balance by being open to new experiences and new attitudes. This opens up a whole new dimension to life… one where magic and miracles are not only possible but are an everyday experience.

An Additional Thought

Now, there are instances where you might go ahead and do the thing you say you don’t like because it’s something you “have to do”. For example, perhaps you don’t like going to work on Mondays (or Wednesday, or Fridays), but because you want to keep your job, you go anyway even if you “don’t like it”.

However, starting out the day with a negative attitude can adversely affect our whole day. Because we set the tone for the day or the experience by saying we don’t like it, we remain closed to the possibility of it turning into a wonderful experience. Our mind will block out any experiences that would negate our opinion of “not liking” that particular situation or experience or food.

So, once again, our mind-set, our perception, our attitude will color the way we see or experience something. If we start off “on the wrong foot”, the whole day or the whole experience may end up out of balance or out of harmony. Better to start with a neutral attitude and allow the Universe (you-niverse) to bring us experiences of joy and fulfilment.
   

Related Book: Common Wisdom

Common Wisdom: 8 Scientific Elements of a Meaningful Life
by Dr. Laura Gabayan.

About The Author

Marie T. Russell is the founder of InnerSelf Magazine (founded 1985). She also produced and hosted a weekly South Florida radio broadcast, Inner Power, from 1992-1995 which focused on themes such as self-esteem, personal growth, and well-being. Her articles focus on transformation and reconnecting with our own inner source of joy and creativity.

Creative Commons 3.0: This article is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 License. Attribute the author: Marie T. Russell, InnerSelf.com. Link back to the article: This article originally appeared on InnerSelf.com

Article Recap:

Rigid thinking and self-imposed limitations can prevent us from experiencing life to the fullest. When we say, "I don’t like" without reconsideration, we create mental barriers that block new experiences and opportunities. Past experiences often shape these beliefs, but they don’t have to define our future choices. By challenging these limitations, staying open-minded, and shifting our perspective, we allow growth, joy, and personal transformation to flourish.

#BreakingBarriers #OpenMindset #PersonalGrowth #EmbracingChange #OvercomingLimitations #MindsetShift #SelfDiscovery #ExpandingPossibilities #TryNewThings